Abuse victimises many people, leaving them feeling worthless with no self-confidence.  A very lonely experience, victims are often isolated....enduring physical abuse, control of them and verbal degradation/abuse.

As a survivor of domenstic abuse, I know what it is like to "hide" some of the abuse symptoms - out of shame, failure to succeed in aa relationship, or whatever the reason....I do know.  I have been there.   But sometimes, no matter how good we play the "role" there are always symptoms that show....whether we are aware of them or not.  And there are those that can be seen when the victim and abuser are in company of others ~ and it is these symptoms that show the control the abuser has over the victim.

Here are some examples that the victim and abuser may display.

1)   Victim has poor self-esteem, poor self-confidence, and poor self-worth. 

2)  Unable to make eye contact in conversation, looking at the ground when talking.

3)  Victims often complain of non-specific aches and pains that are constant and recurring ~ these are stree-related problems.

4)  Unnecessary fear at something slight

5)  Victim is limited in freedom as a child would be ~ eg. "Go to the shop and get some milk and bread and come straight home.  It should take you 15 minutes."

6)   Victim has no control over money and finances ~ abuser has exclusive control.

7)  Victim is not allowed to learn to drive, or get a job

8)   Victim is forbidden to see friends or family unless abuser is present.

MISUSE OF POWER AND CONTROL

Using Emotional Abuse
- putting victim down
- making victim feel bad about themsleves
- calling victim names
- making victim think they're crazy
- playing mind games
- humiliating victim
- making victim feel guilty
- treating victim like a servant

Using Economic Abuse
- preventing victim from getting or keeping a job
- making victim ask for money
- giving victim an allowance
- taking victim's money
- keeping family income  a secret and preventing acces to income

Using Intimidation
- making victim afraid by using looks, gestures or actions
- smashing things
- abusing pets
- displaying weapons in threatening way

Using Isolation
- controlling every aspect of victim's life
- controls who victim sees and talks to and where victim goes
- limiting outside enjoyment
- using jealousy to justify actions

Using Coercion and Threats
- making or carrying out threats to hurt victim
- threatening to leave or commit suicide
- pressuring victim to drop charges
- pressuring victim to do illegal things

Using Children
- making victim feel guilty about the children
- using children to relay messages
- using visitation to harrass victim
- threatening to take children away

Minimising, Denying, Blaming
- making light of the abuse and not taking victim's concerns about it seriously
- saying the abuse didn't happen
- shifting responsibility for abusive behaviour
- saying the victim caused it

(Source unknown)

Do you recognise these symptoms in someone you know?

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When I saw this image, I saw myself and how I felt
when I was a victim of abuse