Guidelines for those
who wish to submit:
Potato Monkey is looking for stories. We pay $20 local money, some
other amount to overseas submitters depending on the stock exchange or the reserve
bank or whatever makes these numbers confuse me. Look, it all goes in bank fees
in any case. Really short stories and poems we pay $5. That’s about the price
of a sandwich without a milkshake.
That’s all very interesting but what kind of stories do you want?
We want interesting stories. We want the stuff that doesn’t really fit
in anywhere else, and when it tries the other words point at it and shake their
heads and go “that guy is just weird man” while they’re kicking footballs at
each others’ groins behind the shed. If you had three sons and the first one
was moving into the family business and the second son was going to Uni to study to be a lawyer, we’d buy your third child. Not
that we condone child-selling. It’s a metaphor. Or something.
Basically we want to read stuff that’s experimenting and pushing the boundaries
a bit. We want to be a place where
Yeah yeah, thanks for that, that’s a big
help. So how do you want it formatted? I hear courier new is the manilla folder of the new millennium.
Yeah, look, courier’s cool, but let’s be
honest, I really don’t care. Just don’t do anything that makes it hard for me
to go “select all, change to 12 point courier, double space” and we’ll be cool.
So do you want it as an attachment?
Yes, yes we do. An “rtf” please. If your file
is not an rtf you can change it using the “Save As” function in Word (and
possibly other programs). Rtfs = less viruses and
here at the monkey, less viruses is the new
not-scratching-the-record-when-you-change-the-song.
And where do we send it? (this should really
have been put up the top)
Hey, don’t tell me how to design my website, imaginary questioner.
Send submissions to: potatomonkey@gmail.com
Your subject line should read “Submission: Title”, except of course
with “Title” replaced by the actual title of your submission, unless of course
it’s actually called “Title” in which case that’s just fine and dandy.
And how long should we wait before we complain about the slow reply?
Wait three months before you start to complain, then after six months you
can begin to whine. Or you could just inquire at the above email (“Inquiry:
blah-de-blah”), and we’ll tell you whether it’s almost on its way back, or if I
accidentally gave it to my flatmate with a phone
message scrawled on the back and will have to rummage through the bins sometime
to find it.
Don’t inquire if it’s only been, like, two weeks, because the monkey
just gets confused. On the flipside, if it’s been a few years, you should
probably shoot an inquiry our way. Emails do get lost, and we ain’t that slow.
Well that’s all lovely. I’m off to write something.
You’d best be writing,
imaginary questioner. I don’t want to have to fill this magazine with my grade
two Doctor Who stories.