It was nearly 20 years ago when my eldest child Elizabeth told me she was gay. In the best traditional fiction - it was a dark and stormy night . and then the phone rang. Earlier that day, I had farewelled my 2 eldest children, then 16 and 15, with many misgivings - they were headed to Nelson, fruitpicking. So, when the phone rang and I heard her tearful voice, I thought of murder, rape, accident, or some other combination of all my worst nightmares. Nope - her girlfriend had broken up with her. So, that's how I knew. She was upset and she needed me so I just talked about the breakup and how it wasn't her fault and that I loved her.

When she calmed down a bit, I was able to ask if she'd told her brother. She had, and he wasn't worried about her sexuality, and was being supportive, so I knew she'd be ok. During that evening, I was consumed by thought about her lesbianism, finally rang one of my good friends and cried. She tells me that I was worried that people would victimise my child and that there wouldn't be grandchildren for me to love. Over the next few weeks, she told her 2 younger sisters, her father, and her friends. And over the next year or so, her grand-parents, extended family and the world.

It has been a source of pride to me that so many family and friends continued to love her as they previously had - they just knew her a little better, knowing another facet of her personality. Being outspoken is not new in our family and I am exceedingly proud of her life and achievements. She has never been afraid to be in the forefront of gay issues. My earlier fears of her being victimised have not eventuated, to my knowledge. And my wish for grand-children was purely selfish. I now have 7 and I realise there are no guarantees in life when you have children. No guarantee that your 'straight' children will have a family. No guarantee that you will even like your children, even though you love them to bits. And many more. So many parents have travelled a sad and lonely journey towards accepting their children's gayness. I feel guilty that I have not. Mainly, I just didn't care - she was the same person she'd always been. My heart goes out both to those who are gay and tell no-one for fear of rejection, and to those parents who can-not accept their gay children. I joined PFLAG South in order to support other parents, but mainly to support my friend, Sue, whose story you will have also read. In doing so, I gained new friends and a better understanding of human nature.

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