If you are not interested in a story of me getting my ass kicked then do not read this.
Last night(Sunday) I wandered down to the local boozer. When I got home after taking care of my bumps for a while I wrote down a what I could remember of my night. I will append it but here is what I originally wrote on some scraps of paper. I was still moderately under the influence so I will correct some parts that do not not make much sense and add a few bits from my memory{}.
I have just finished nursing my black eye with a milk bottle in a tea towel {I keep milk in the freezer and wrapped a bottle up in a tea towel to slow the effects of bruising but I was probably a few hours too late}. I went to the boozer on foot(40 minutes) at about 16:30 {I live on the top of a hill so it takes me a while to get into town, I leave my car in town when I am drinking and it had been there since Friday night}. ..2L by 18:00 (missed happy hour by 5 minutes as I had just filled up){normally I don't bother to count how much I drink, but I recall being a little pissed that I had just purchased my 3rd litre of beer at 5 to 6 when happy hour starts at 6} . Loads of kids and tourists {the pub was packed with folks who were in town for a mountain bike race, since the no smoking in bars law has come in the pub has a lot more kids in it}. {I was doing the normal pub thing} Smoking, drinking, playing pool {lost}, and playing mexican until I started feeling quite waisted and had to drink slower {playing mexi can be brutal on me so I could not play for too long or I would have ended up spewing}.
Got a shove by the pool table, gave the guy a bit of shit (skinhead?) shortish 70-80kg{I was walking back inside after smoking a fag and this bloke charges into me and starts with the whole pushing thing. He was in a group who was getting booted out for being rude to the bar staff. I don't remember exactly how small this bloke was probably about 75kg and 175cm.}. A woman pulled him outside{ I am not sure if it was his girlfriend or not, this girl was pulling him away which was what I gave him shit about, I grabbed my balls and did a wee posturing -you had better do what your bitch says thing-. I am a pussy so most people who know me in the pub probably got a laugh out of that if they saw it}. Pondered if both wanted a fight {I was sitting down and thought hay this bloke may actually want to have a go. He was quite an aggressive little twat and I could see him and his mates outside the front of the pub}. I thought why not {I thought it might be good for a laugh but I was fairly sure I would get my ass beaten}. A barmaid told me I was not allowed to go outside{.The barmaid stopped me beside the door and told me to go and sit-down. She is a good barmaid and I think I may have pissed her off as she no doubt thought she was stopping me from getting my ass beaten. I had figured that I probably was going to get my ass kicked but I was OK with that. I am a crap fighter and not the most coordinated person even when sober}. I thought a woman pulled him away and I did not want to be told not that I could not go outside {I had given the bloke stick about being pulled around by a woman and I did not really want to be given the same treatment}. I went out the back door and around the side of the pub and asked the bloke if he was keen {he was}. I walked with him and a couple of others around the side of the pub and had scrap 1. Got belted a couple of times but not powerfully, got a reasonable hit in{. The bloke opened up on me and tapped my face a bit. I think he was a bit surprised that I was not on the ground but he did not hit very hard. It is quite hard to knock someone unconscious but I was leaking from my nose a bit. I remember him having his head down at one point and I think I gave him a good one}. The fight ended not long after I hit him and I would say that he won{. He maybe hit me a dozen times tho not hard. I am not sure how it ended there was a couple of other people there but I am not sure who they were as I was not paying attention. I assume that they were his mates and they took him away.}
Saw the bloke again and went up to congratulate him shook hands and asked if he was cool and such, he was still quite pumped{. This probably was not the wisest move. After I had picked up my hat I was going in the front door saw the bloke and went up to him to let him know that I had no hard feelings. The bloke had a graze on his face and was a bit red I was somewhat surprised as I only remember belting him once. It is possible that someone else gave it to him}. Fat (big 185cm? 90kg?) joker{I was calling him fat boy for a while} decides to kick my ass.{Apparently a few folks saw this scrap so they may be able to correct me. This fat joker tells me he wants to fight me I say I don't give a toss so he starts laying it on the face. There was a couple at least of them there but I don't know how many belted me. A mate said he saw me getting clobbered and belted one of them, and that he got a thick ear for his troubles -sorry about that. I was told by a barman that there was a few locals at the door and that was why the fight ended before I got seriously taken down. The mate who got the thick ear said that I was on the rock when he clobbered the bloke. There is a bolder by the front door a few meters behind me from where I thought the fight started. I don't remember being on the ground at any point and I don't have any boot bruises but my memory is hazy I may have been pushed/belted onto the ground/rock.}. The fat joker got in a good shot maybe an elbow which resulted in a black eye, I have a largish lump on the side of my head {I don't remember getting that one on the ear/side of head but I do remember getting clocked by quite a good shot which I think resulted in the dark eye. I took a couple of photos and will put them here and here. You can see that my right eye is a bit dark. I don't think I even hit them}. I was leaking from the nose again. After the fat joker gave me the solid shot I think someone may have been trying to drag me onto the ground as I ended up kind of hunched over. A potentially unwise move on their part as I was now at nut level and grabbed the fat jokers balls. He has a tiny dick.} I am not sure how it ended probably they were scared off by the locals at the door{. I do not think that they interfered too much I remember having told the barman previously that I am OK with having my ass beaten so not to bother about stepping in. They all piled into a car and buggered off.}
I was not allowed back inside the boozer after that so I sat on the rock and leaked from the nose for a while. I was just about to go and wash the gore off my face when the local cop shows up!! {Another barmaid had called the cops. This pissed me off a bit I did not think there was any need for it.}
I was probably a drunk dick to him{the cop} I tried to tell him all was well and that it was not worth his time {I told him that it was my fault, I got my ass kicked, I was not going back inside, and that I was fine and could walk home. I got my shit together and went home not nearly as drunk as I would have liked to have been}.
I saw a couple of mates today (tuesday) in Tekapo. The mate who got the thick ear had seen me getting belted from inside the john and came racing out, a couple of other mates followed him. He got belted and belted the bloke back then the barmaid(who tried to stop me at the door) came out and started yelling at us all and the blokes who were giving me the hiding all buggered off! Apparently they were trying to drag me onto the ground when my mate arrived I guess trying to get a bit of the old boot action going this is what I suspected was going down when I discovered the small dick. From the sounds of it I probably over estimated Fat Boys size by a few kg or so.
