| A Virgin's Guide to Hash Running | |
If you have half a mind to join the Hash, that's all it takes, and some of us are highly overqualified!
If you have Hashed before you will know the format but for the newcomers here's a quick rundown on what you can expect to happen. On the designated evening the Hashers will usually gather at a local Pub, park or the home of a Hasher somewhere in the greater Newcastle area. Hopefully you would have been previously notified of the venue by checking out the website, receiving a flyer, email, by word of mouth or desperately phoning someone minutes before. The "ON ON" is given by the Grand Master at approximately 6:00 p.m. so it is a good idea to arrive about 20 mins early to change and test that the beverages are cold and have not gone off.
The Hounds will gather in a pathetic milling group at the front of the venue as the Grand Master welcomes them and has the Hare/s provide you with guidance on the upcumming run. A well set run will keep the pack close together but often this does not occur. Front runners should be calling "ON , ON" for the benefit of the slower runners and latecomers catching up. Every so often a Check will be held to allow the pack to regroup and the new direction of the trail to be found.
NH3 runs are usually 4-6 kilometres long and are designed to last about three quarters to a full hour. Revelries at the On On after the run are encouraged but the main ceremonies will occur during the DOWN DOWNS.
This is where the Hare/s are congratulated/punished for laying such a clean, mud-free and interesting trail - or not. It is also customary for the Religious Advisor to lead a session of community singing before awarding Down Downs for anyone deemed to have sinned, such as the heinous crime of turning up for a run with brand spanking new runners, defying Darwin's theory of natural selection by having another birthday, being a competitive bastard, further diluting the gene pool by having offspring, any trumped up charge that can be found etc etc!.
| Hash Terms | |
| ARE YOU | A plea for help. A Hound who is not on the trail and wants to know if anyone else is. The reply should be either checking, looking or ON ON. |
| CHECK | A cunning trap to put the hounds off the trail and slow them down, it also enables back runners to catch up. |
| CHECKING | Looking for the trail at a Check. If you are Checking, say so. |
| CHECK BACK | One of the sadistic methods used by the hare to get you to run down a trail and then have to come back to the last intersection or Check because he decided to set the trail in another direction. See also FALSE TRAIL |
| DOWN DOWN | The act of consuming a full tankard of beer in one or less gulps. If you do not get it down the balance should be poured over your head - or down your pants. Newcomers, leavers, celebrators, and anyone else who deserves it can be invited to do a down down. |
| FALSE TRAIL | Usually found after a check. A false trail can be of any length, depending on the level of nastiness of the hare. If you find it, go back to the check and look in another direction. Note: Falsies are seldom or never come across by the back runners, and are employed mainly to keep the FRBs from not getting to the beer too early. |
| FRB | Also known as front running bastards, they are those silly people who r*n on a hash. |
| HARE | The person who lays the trail. They are totally responsible for any cock-ups which occur and is therefore eligible to receive the hash-shit award. |
| HASH CASH | The Hash treasurer who is usually BUSY financing his mistress, new car, next holiday etc etc ect with misappropriatedHash funds. |
| HASH HORN | It's an old hunting horn used to rally the pack, also as directional pointer for the back markers. It may also be a rare occurrence for most Hashmen. |
| HASH MISMANAGEMENT |
The complete group of incompetents who are responsible for the order or disorder of the Hash. |
| GRANDMASTER (GM) | The senior member of the loud mouthed bunch of idiots who call themselves Hash Mismanagement. |
| HASH HOOCH | Also known as the Beer Meister. The person responsible for keeping the Hash supplied with ice cold piss every week. |
| HASH MASH | This is the food that the Hare has arranged to go with your beer. This can vary from a veritable gastronomic feast to victuals that could not be readily described as animal, mineral or vegetable. |
| HASH THRASH | A good smash-up party, held as often as possible and up to 365 times a year. |
| HOUND | Anyone who follows the Hash. They pay their weekly tithe - If they don't - they have Hash Cash chasing them. |
| HWOD | The term for Hashmen Without Dicks - our female Hashers |
| ICE | Most importantly used to cool the drinks but can also be used the cool the posterior of Hashers who have offended or cum to the notice of the GRAND MASTER |
| LOOKING | A call that is made when the trail has been lost and the pack is searching for it. This is not used when you are on a check and are looking for new trail. |
| ON ON | Called during the run when you are on the trail. The call assists the rear runners who may not be able to see the front runners but at least can hear them. |
| ON IN | The venue where all the crates of amber throat charmer are consumed, and where the Religious Advisor comes into his own. |
| RELIGIOUS ADVISOR (RA) |
The person who calls the circle to order and meets out punishments as appeals to his/her sense of humour/cruelty. The RA also provides guidance to the GM. |
| SCB | Short Cutting Bastard. To be a successful SCB requires great skill and cunning. A SCB has to try to make it appear that they have run the whole trail when in fact they have only done about half of it. |
| SHIT AWARD | A weekly award made for some particularly nasty effort. It could be either good or bad. The award is held until someone else does better or worse. See Shit Awards on the songs and rituals page for more information. |
| TRAIL MASTER | A member of the mismanagement who tries to organise the hares and inform the other members of the date, venue and hare/s of upcumming runs. |
| More About Hash Running | |
Hashing is an extremely social form of running, some might say the most social form of running is not to run at all, and indeed the are some fine exponents of this art within NH3, they are known as the knitting circle and pace is certainly not their watchword. But I digress, Hashing was invented in Malaysia in 1938 ago by some chap called Gispert, and spread like a crazy religion or new STD throughout the uncivilised world. The military and diplomatic corps were the primary culprits of this rapid spread. People from all walks of life, drawn together by a passion for the outdoors and for drinking, run together along a pre-laid trail, which ultimately leads to the welcoming door of a pub, or the very least a venue or esky (chilli bin, cooler) with adequate supplies of thirst quenching beer.
The trail is laid by people called hares. Now all hares are Hashers but Hashers are not always hares, though sometimes they might be. Got that? The trail is laid in such a way that those more able, ambitious, fit or just plain stupid people who storm ahead, are waylaid by false trails and check backs. These athuleets often find themselves trailing the slower, more ovoid, lazier or just plain sensible people that were bringing up the rear, but now find themselves juxtaposed into the very position of leader they sought to avoid.
The trail is marked in dots, except when it is marked in crosses, circles, arrows or all manner of other strange hieroglyphs, and those that follow it keep a strict code of conduct, those that stray are punished by down-downs. Down-downs are speedily quaffed drinks and are very much at the heart of hashing, indeed many do not consider it a punishment at all.
| Hash Symbols, Marker and Other Hieroglyphics | |
Below are some of the marks that are often used by a Hare when laying a trail. Trail marks if used are applied using various materials such as blackboard chalk of various types and colours, flour, plaster powder, tape, shredded paper and everybody's favourite, crayon that is the same colour as the trail surface.
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Arrow - This is a helpful mark, a definite trail, no checking required. |
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A Check - Time to look for a new trail. |
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Three Way Check - I would suggest that you might want to check in the direction of the arrows. |
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The end of a false trail, usually after 2 dots, go back to the last check. |
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Check Back - look for a turn-off between here and the last check. |
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Check Back - don't you really hate running for someone else's sadistic enjoyment. |
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Check Back - Boy is the Hare going to spend a real long time on the ice |
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False Trail - You've just run all this way for nothing. Head back to the last check and keep looking. |
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False Trail - another version just to remind you that the Hare hates you. |
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False Trail - yet another version to emphasise that the Hare really, really hates you! |
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Re Group - the Front Running Bastards (FRBs) should halt at this marker and allow the majority of slow runners to catch up. |
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On Home - Nearly there, the pub's not far off. |
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