Scissors

Scissors, Paper, Rock is the winner of the 2000 NSW Premier's Prize for Drama, and was premiered by the Keene/Taylor Theatre Project at the Melbourne Trades Hall, Carlton, in September 1998.

And man. Wretch! Wretch! He turns his eyes,
As if behind our backs a clap of hands summons us;
He turns mad eyes and all that has been lived
Is dammed up like a puddle of blame in his look

Cesar Vallejo, The Black Messengers

the stonemason, mid forties
his wife, same age
his daughter, fifteen
his friend, late forties
his dog, an old mongrel

- What are you in for?
- Three monthly review
- I'm in for a counter cheque
- Will you get one?
- My youngest needs new shoes for the school concert next week and he's down to his uppers I'm pleading hardship
- How old is he now?
- He's nine this year
- I haven't seen him around
- He stays pretty close to home
pause
- Bridget's already fifteen
- Time flies
long pause
- How are you feeling?
- I'm coping
- Me too
- It's almost two years for me
- Eighteen months
- I don't know why they didn't just sack us all at the same time
- In last out first
- Didn't make much difference
pause
- I get very depressed sometimes
- A sense of humour that's what keeps you going that kind of attitude
- I can't see what's funny
- You have to make it up
pause - That's the great thing about comedy
- What?
- Most funny people are very depressed
- Are they?
- So I've heard
- I've never met a really funny person
- I've met depressed ones
- So have I
- But no really funny ones
- Neither have I
pause
-What are they depressed about?
- Who?
- These really funny people
- Well I read about this one comedian a famous one I forget his name well he was very depressed because he didn't know why people laughed at him
- Really
- It'd be terrible wouldn't it?
- Why did he want to know?
- What?
- Why would he want to know why people laughed at him?
- It'd be natural to want to know
- Would it?
- Of course it would wouldn't you want to know?
- I'd want to know if I wasn't a comedian I mean he was trying to make people laugh that's what a comedian does it sounds ridiculous if he made people laugh he must have known how he did it
- Not necessarily
- Why not?
- It's a mystery comedy to most people a complete mystery
- No it isn't
- It was to this chap
- He should have done something else then
- Well he couldn't he was a natural
- Doesn't sound like it if he got depressed about it all the time
- That doesn't prove anything
- It sounds like he was in the wrong line of work
- He ended up killing himself he drank himself to death
- That's not killing yourself
- How isn't it?
- People are drinking themselves to death every day but they're not trying to kill themselves are they they're just drinking
- And it kills them
- That's right
- And it killed this comedian
- But it isn't suicide
- With him it was
- How do you know?
- Because I read about it
- You might be making half of it up
- Why would I?
- Not deliberately
- I'm telling you about this poor cunt who topped himself because he was depressed and he was depressed because he didn't know why he was funny
pause
- We all get depressed
a number is called (off)
- That's me
- Good luck
- It's not just my hardship I'm pleading
- I know
the friend leaves
long pause
We all get fucking depressed don't we

- We can't afford it
- There must be some way
- How?
- We could sell something
- What?
- We must have something
- It'd have to be something we don't need we don't have anything we don't need we've barely got what we do
pause
- I could sell my tools
- They're not worth anything
- They're all the best quality steel chisels hammers blades
- Who'd want them?
- Somebody might
- The box they're in might be worth something
- Just the box?
- It's a curiosity
- My father made that box
- People use them for coffee tables
- It's a tool box it's made so the tools fit snug everything in its place it's hardwood
pause - We shouldn't sell it
- Why?
- Your father made it it means something to you
- Bridget needs some new clothes that's why she doesn't have any friends around to visit she's embarrassed
- Has she said so?
- She doesn't have to say so even her uniform's falling to bits
- There's only a button missing I can sew it on
- She's at that age
- What age?
- Caring about how she looks how she is how we are
- You take too much notice
- I see her more than you she talks to me all the time she talks to me
- She talks to me
- Not as much
- She treats you like you don't exist
- Only when you're around
- What's that supposed to mean?
- I don't know what it means
- You don't know what you're talking about
pause
- She's frightened of you
- What?
- I don't know why I don't know why she is she looks at you when you don't notice but I've seen her look at you she's thinking something she's afraid of something
- What's the matter with you?
- I'm telling you something hasn't anyone ever told you anything? haven't you ever listened?
- What's the matter with you?
- Fuck you
- Kevin
- Every day every fucking day I'm there I'm right fucking there don't you see me? every fucking day
- Please Kevin
- Look at my hands look at my fucking hands look at them
she turns quickly and moves off
he stands watching her
he shouts after her
That's right that's right that's right like always like fucking always
he looks left and right
he moves off in the opposite direction to his wife

day
a church
a statue of the Madonna
candles burning
the stonemason
after a long pause

- Have I asked anything? when have I asked for myself? I could have but I've prayed for my family

Maybe I don't deserve your gifts and your bounties but do I have to deserve them? what's a gift to someone who knows they deserve it?

Did I ever not believe in your beautiful mysteries? since I was young I read about them I've heard the teacher and the priest I've listened I've looked at your face I looked at a thousand pictures of you a thousand

evening
public bar
the stonemason
his friend
they've been drinking heavily
the stonemason is reading a newspaper

- What do these people know? who ever told them they knew anything? I know things too
pause
Here's a guy who got stabbed in the eye! here's someone who works for the poor!
he turns a page
Here's someone who flies model aeroplanes he's World Champion!
he turns a page
he reads
"The African wild dog long persecuted as vermin is down to a few thousand but it may not be too late for a rescue" that's interesting
he turns a page
Here's a man sent to prison for twenty years
pause
You got any prior convictions? yeah I got prior convictions what have you done? armed aggravated resisting are you sorry? yes I'm sorry we're going to lock you up now down the slot you're locked up you're locked in you're locked out now lick my balls yes sir stick this up your arse thank you don't mention it be a good boy I will thankyou
pause
I wish I could stop talking to myself
he puts down the paper
You just never know who's listening
pause
Every day is a new beginning
pause
How true don't you think that's true Frank?
- Might be
- What would you know?
- Not much
- I know a few things
- I'm sure you do
- You're fucked Frank you're completely fucked you know that don't you?
- Do I?
- You should
- Should I?
- Why do you make it impossible? do you want to? why are you making fucking everything impossible?
- What are you talking about you mad cunt?
- I'm talking about everything
- You don't know what you're talking about
- That's what you think
- Yeah that's what I think I think things I'm allowed to I can think what I fucking like and that's what I think I'm not dead not yet I've got eyes in my head I can speak if I want to I can say what I think I think you're a mad cunt and I don't know why I bother
- I can tell you why
- It's done Kevin it's finished you can't
- I can tell you why
- You can't go on the way you are
- I can tell you why you bother
- You and me are fucked we're finished there's no happy ending this is the fucking ending
- Because you know I'm right that's why you bother
- Right? right about what?
- About you and me
- What about you and me?
- We're legends you and me we're legends
- Get fucked
long pause
- It's your round
- Get fucked I'm not drinking with you
- Don't be lonely Frank don't be lonely
- I'm not
- I am
- Why don't you shut up?
- I'm lonely Frank
- No wonder
- That's right no wonder
pause
- I remember you
- Do you?
- Yeah I remember you first at work every morning and last to leave every night and then weekends working for the fucking church you said I don't know how you talked the boss into donating that stone but you did
- I did
- You cut the fucking headstones that's all you ever did you had no skills you cut the slabs and then all of sudden you were going to make statues for the church
- I did I made one
- I never saw it
- You weren't interested
- In what? you were a stonecutter what could you fucking make?
- I made a statue of the Holy Mother
pause
- You're the one who's fucked Kevin you're the one who's finished
long pause
- It's your round
- Same again?
- Same again

night
the kitchen
the stonemason
his wife
his daughter
they sit together at the table

- You are my heart's treasures the world is round in the centre of the world is a stone the stone is cold all I have is you my trade is cutting stone I can cut a flower from stone but the flower will have no scent I am here for you I can give you nothing the world is round like a stone a thousand years beneath the water rounded and smoothed by the water the water passes over us you can hear it listen to the trees at night and you will hear it this is my prayer to know this water is my prayer I hear voices they are talking to me through the rushing water one of the voices is mine I can hear me speaking I am speaking to us all I am not foolish but I am not wise you are my heart's treasures there is no one else for me you are the stones inside me I can hear my voice rushing over you calling you I am calling you this is a terrible time

the daughter rises and stands beside her mother
the mother puts her arm about her daughter's waist

Scissors, paper, rock