Got any good ones, let us know at the usual e-mail address. 

A controversial joke from Alex... (22/02/2004)

Three things not to say in a gay bar:
1. Bugger me, it's hot in here.
2. F*ck me, this beer's good.
3. Excuse me mate, can I push your stool in a bit?

An old classic from Greg... (22/02/2004)

A horse goes into a bar and the barman says "Why the long face?"

Phil Mac gives us our first joke in ten months... (29/10/2003)

A new scandal is set to rock football - Sophie Ellis Bextor has been found dead in the hotel room of a French footballer...

Police are treating it as murder on Zidane's floor

Geordie sends us an exceptionally low quality joke... (04/01/2003)

A mackem family goes to the Metro Centre to do some Christmas shopping. As they walk into Dixon Sports, the son picks up a Newcastle United strip and says to his sister "I've had enough of supporting Sunderland, they're shit. From now on I'm a Magpie". The sister, furious, slaps him across the head and tells him to see his Mam. So he goes over to his Mam and says "Mam, I want this for Christmas cos Sunderland are shit and I want to be a Magpie". The mother swings an Aldi bag full of cheap gin and cracks the son across the face. She says "You ungrateful little bastard, go and see you Dad". Finally, the brave youngster walks over to his father with the glorious black and white stripes in his hands and says "Dad, from now on i'm gonna be a Magpie, can you get me this for Christmas ?" His father pulls his belt out of his jeans and proceeds to lash his son. He shouts "You will never support the Mags you little bastard". Finally, after being lashed to within an inch of his little life, he puts the strip down and walks off with his family. As they get back in the car, his father turns to him and says - "Son, I hope you learned a valuable lesson today" The son replies "Aye Dad, I've been a Mag for only half an hour and I hate you sad Mackem bastards already" 

Sterlo's getting in on the act... (24/04/2002)

an indian man walked into this shop and seen a shining thing in the corner of the store. puzzled; asked the owner what it was? the owner replied, that's a thermo flask. the indian man then asked the owner what did it do? the owner told him IT KEPT WARM THINGS WARM & COLD THINGS COLD. astounded by this he said i'll take it. the next day at work his boss came down to the warehouse and asked the indian man what was the new shining thing he had? he told the boss that it was a thermo flask.the boss asked the indian man what did it do? his reply was IT KEPT WARM THINGS WARM & COLD THINGS COLD. the confussed boss then asked him what he had in it? the indians reply was 2 CANS OF COKE & A CUP OF COFFEE

Here's a nice clean joke for all the family from our caring man of the noughties, Inan. (09/04/2002)

Man walks into a bar with a Giraffe. They have three double rums and the Giraffe slides down the chair onto the floor. Man starts walking out , when the barman calls out "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there !! " Man turns round and says " It's not a lion it's a Giraffe. "

A joke as topical as it is controversial from the club captain (09/04/2002)

> Queen Mum goes up to heaven and meets Princess Di. 

> She says "Wow, where can I get a halo like that?" 

> Princess Di says "p*ss off gran, it's a steering > wheel." >

A cracker from one of our Over 35s members (04/04/2002)

It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living. 

The first little girl says: "My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman." 

The next little boy says: "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic." 

Then one little boy says: "My name is Hamish and my father is a striptease dancer in a cabaret for gay men." 

The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject, but later in the school yard she approaches Hamish privately and asks if it was really true that his Dad dances nude in a gay bar. He blushed and said, "I'm sorry but my dad plays soccer for the Gladesville Ravens, and I was just too embarrassed to say so."

From one of our loyal readers... (04/04/2002)

"I NOT COME WORK TODAY" Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work." The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I can go to work. You should try that." Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

Here's a couple of politically incorrect jokes from one of our regular contributors... (26/03/2002)

What is the difference between Pele and Ayrton Senna? Pele could take a corner. 

Why does Greece never perform well at the World Cup? Because every time they win a corner they build a shop on it.

What did the inflatable teacher say to the inflatable boy who took an needle into the inflatable school? You let me down, you've let the school down, you've let your classmates down but worst of all you've let yourself down.