Ahhhh the assumption by so many that because someone did a statue of the
female form in ancient times it "MUST" have been a Goddess!

It is indeed possible that some of them were stoneage "Porn" or indeed many
other things - quite mundane! Although I have to say that if it was "Porn"
their taste in women is generally different to mine. The assumption of course
is that ancient peoples would not have made an image of a female if she were
not perceived as a "Goddess". There are good reasons why some would find
this assumption tickling to their egos.

In fact there are numerous pieces of evidence that both Gods and Goddesses
were venerated in ancient times.

There are many other more logical explanations why people may make what are
in many cases rather poor quality images of the female form.

1. Art - Yes folks - just like today the female form is quite possibly an
object'd'art.
2. Pornography - You will note that many of the so called figures have
exaggerated breasts and genitals - could this not be some form of ancient
porn rather than a feminist fertility cult.
3. Practice - Apprentice potters practicing their art - some of the figures
look like they really needed practice.
4. A curse on their mother-in-laws! Lets face it folks some of these
figurines are grotesque to say the least, how much more appropriate to
picture the disliked mother-in-law.


It reminds me of the satire (not more satire?) "The Great Goddess Barbie"

Our interpretations based on scant evidence could bear some resemblance to
the following Archaeological treatise from the Year 5000.

The Ancient Goddess Barbie: Historical Views from the Year 5000

(In the year 5000, historians will seek to patch together traces of the
past, to discover what life was like in today's current era. Here's one view
of what they might find, and it will help us understand how historians work
to discover truth and meaning in those most ancient of days.)

We are proud to announce that archaeologists have made a major discovery
explaining religious practice in the 1990's, over three thousand years ago!
These discoveries help us better understand the myths and traditions which
have been handed down over the years, and still survive today within the
popular cult of the Goddess Barbie. This tradition is one of the fastest
growing groups of modern-day Goddess worship.

Archaeologists have discovered that Barbie worship dates back to ancient
times. Figures of the Goddess Barbie have been unearthed, preserved in
nearly pristine state. It seems that ancient worshippers made their images
of Barbie in a material known as plastic. It was known at the

time that plastic did not decay to the elements over time and was nearly
everlasting! Because of this, it is obvious to our research team that those
items made of plastic were held in the highest regard by the ancient culture
of the 1990's. They surely wanted to preserve these items for eternity!

Research shows that ancient priestesses of Barbie were initiated at a very
young age. The initiation ceremony involved a complex litany which lasted
several weeks, usually prior to the Winter Solstice. Young daughters would
chant at length to their parents, repeating over and over the praises of
Barbie, stating their desires for the Goddess to enter their lives. While
these chants varied from priestess to priestess, the words "I Want" are
common to many of the evocations. Later, after initiation, additional chants
focused on a wide variety of magical tools and altar accessories used by the
Goddess Barbie in Her temple.

Images of the Goddess Barbie show Her in many aspects. For example, She was
portrayed as a Solar Deity in Her Malibu Barbie aspect. This explains the
modern-day custom of Barbie worshippers donning coloured glasses and
anointing themselves with special protective lotions to celebrate the Summer
Solstice! It is known that ancient religions sometimes masked their Deities
within the Saints of ancient Catholicism. Researchers are certain this
explains the name used for an ancient west coast village known as Santa
Barbara, perhaps a Mecca for Barbie worshippers. Each Barbie figurine also
held strange numerical markings, $24.99. This explains the current custom
where Barbie worshippers tattoo themselves with this number! It was
obviously the number most sacred to the Goddess. The $ symbol was used in
many ways by the ancient culture, and was considered both a scourge and
salute to religious society.

It was also discovered that ancient Barbie had a consort known as Ken. Close
examination of plastic Ken figures explain why today's modern Barbie
worshippers allow only eunuchs to participate in religious rites, with no
other males allowed. Since many fewer Ken figures were found, we can assume
that the ancient Barbie worshippers were a matriarchal tradition.

Our team of linguistic researchers have determined through study of the
ancient language that Ken was renowned in many parts of the world. This
explains the origins of ancient places like Kenya, Kentucky and even the
variation of Canada. An in-depth study of the Ken mythos also links Him to
the ancient clan known as Kennedy. Note the amazing facial similarities!
Stories surrounding this ancient Kennedy cult seem to be a unique mixture of
the "slain God" stories (similar to the Egyptian Osiris) and the revelry of
the Roman Bacchus. This seems to fit all three aspects of the Triple Kennedy
myth.

Other research shows a related figure, an ancient warrior God known as GI
Joe. Since GI Joe had no known female consort, and was also a eunuch, it is
obvious that both Joe and Ken competed for the Goddess Barbie. One theory
links this to the surviving Oak King/Holly King myths of earlier times.

Researchers also uncovered other mythical characters, known as Shakespeare,
Einstein, Gandhi, and Ralph Nader. But since the ancient culture held these
in much lower relative importance than Barbie, they obviously were mere
minor demigods of the era. We are thrilled to have discovered these Old
ways, since they shed light upon many unexplained traditions of today. We
can use this clear view of history to put our present-day customs in
perspective!

After this significant success in discovering the ancient Barbie myths, our
archaeological efforts have been approved for additional funding to research
the ancient Ninja Turtle myths as well. Since many plastic artefacts of the
Ninja Turtles have been found in North America, perhaps they are linked to
the ancient Native American cultures of Turtle Island?

Only time will tell.