"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it." - Groucho Marx

"Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book; Inside of a dog, it's very dark." - Groucho Marx

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"This ain't the goddamn Barney show, I'm not a goddamn purple dinosaur, and I don't give a flying fuck about your *feelings.* I don't love you, I don't want to be your friend, and as far as I'm concerned, caring means not setting your house on fire."

"Your 2 minute song was one minute and 59 seconds too goddamn long" - I Hate Jimmy Page, Mindless Self Indulgence.

"I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit."

"Apparently you have the attention span of a ferret on a double espresso."

"There are a lot of people totally opposed to violence... They're all dead." - Doom II

"If a tree falls is the forest, i'll kill the bastard what done it!" - Baulder's Gate

"The only thing better than gold is more gold!" - Baulder's Gate

"Fine! I'm never talking to you again" - Me one
"I bet you will" - Me two
"No i won't! Dammit! You always do that." - Me one

"May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy"

"I don't think much, therefore I might not be"

"Hello, friends. I am a perfectly normal human worm baby. You have nothing, absolutely nothing to fear from me. Just pay no attention to me and we'll get along just fine." - Invader Zim

Dib: Ms. Bitters? I think a pencil is lodged in my brain. Can I go to the nurse?
Ms. Bitters: How far in your brain?
Dib: (looking down) Pretty far.
-Invader Zim

"Human law enforcement vehicle. Markings: lighting flashy thingies on top. Defensive capabilities: minimal. Explodes on impact with giant weenies. Evaluation: pathetic! Pathetic Earth vehicle! Mwahahahahahaha!" -Zim

"I'm gonna sing the doom song now! Doom Doom Doom Doom Doom Doom Doom Doom Doom Doom......" -GIR, Invader Zim

Binky: Go ahead, Son. Ask me anything that's on your mind.
Bongo: If you lick a fly swatter, will it kill you? Is today's music as lame as it sounds? How can God sleep when people are starving? When you see someone wearing a t-shirt that says "Sexy Grampa," should you run? Is pine-scented insecticide really such a good idea? What are people who wear black fingernail polish thinking? If animals have no souls, where will rover spend eternity? If you stick yourself with a pencil, will you get lead poisoning? Do amoebas feel love? Is there anything scarier than open mike poetry reading? If you vote Republican, does that make you an accomplice to their crimes? Are animal balloons art?…Well?
Binky: (pause) Time for bed.
-Life in Hell

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - supposed quote from Nietzsche

"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddies, and kids with fake ID's." -Homer, the simpsons

Please email me any incredibly good or more importantly original quotes you have.