|
Please
note: all links on this page open in a new browser window
I'm not a child rearing
expert ... before Jasmine was born I had, had very little experience with
infants so like many first time mothers to be I armed myself with a huge
stack of baby care books written by various "experts" and spent the
last few months of pregnancy with my nose in books, reading them cover
to cover. As it turned out though I ended up doing my own thing, I didn't
throw the books out altogether but instead of taking them as gospel I let
my instincts guide me. What I didn't know at the time was to some degree,
I was practising what is known as instinctive "Attachment Parenting". It
sounds like a lot of fuss, bother and work but it really isn't that hard
at all. Basically all it means is following your intuition and listening
to your heart when parenting & making parenting decisions.
Attachment Parenting is
seen by some as a fad or something only wannabe hippies practice but in
fact it is practised by all sorts of families around the world and it is
not a new concept. Rather than a fad it's an instinct led, natural way
of parenting that has been practised by Africans, Indians, Eskimo's, South
Americans, Indonesians, Australian Aborigines & other indigenous cultures
for thousands of years. Like I said I'm not an expert and I am certainly
not an attachment parenting expert but I wanted to share my experience
of "instinct led child rearing", I hope someone finds it interesting or
helpful. At the bottom of the page is list of the principles of attachment
parenting as well as a few helpful links & a "poem" I found about the
financial costs of raising a child which I just had to put in here.
  Early
in pregnancy I decided the best thing I could do for my baby was breasted
her, knowing that breast feeding isn't always possible for everyone I was
open-minded but still determined about my choice, so I began finding out
as much about breast feeding as I could and the more I found out the more
I knew I was going to breasted no matter what.. It was not an easy choice,
for one thing I faced a tide of opposition from my family, a family of
bottle feeders. I was the first to choose breast feeding for at least as
long as anyone could remember and as such I didn't hear the end of it.
Among the harshest critics were the family members who had young babies
& toddlers themselves, I said nothing about their bottle feeding but
they had plenty to say about my breast feeding, "you're making work for
yourself", "it's too hard", "it hurts". To my knowledge no one else in
my family  (who
has actually attempted to breast feed) has persisted with it longer than
a week so I guess you could expect them to find it unusual but I would
think family would be supportive! Anyway it was indeed hard at first but
we soon mastered it and it became a favourite past time for us, nursing
on demand whenever she let me know she wanted it. As it turned out I breastfed
Jazz for 3 years! When the time came to stop we did it with minimal fuss,
much harder on me than her. Even now though I miss it & It tugs at
my heartstrings when I see a mum breast feeding, it truly is a gift of
nature and one of the most natural & beautiful things in the world.
 
 Australian
Breast feeding Association: (previously known as Nursing mothers association)
lots of info about breast feeding in Australia. La
Leche League International: The homepage of the internationally recognised
& respected La Leche League. Breast
feeding Matters: Great site, choc full of helpful info & humour. Bad
ass breast feeding babes: fantastic! , cute pics & great reading. Promom:
beautiful breast feeding pics, support forums, activism & more.
 Like
many other mums to be, I was intrigued by the idea of "baby wearing" I
had seen lots of mums (and dads) out with these colourful pouches strapped
around their tummies and a tiny pair of legs dangling out or a little head
peeking over the top of the fabric.  I
decided I just had to have one so whilst still pregnant I went out and
bought a standard variety type baby carrier. Imagine my horror when the
very first time I put my precious bundle in the carrier at the tender age
of 2 weeks she strenuously protested that it was not a place she wanted
to be at all! Determined to be able to carry her around close to
my heart I persisted with my attempts to get her into the pouch but she
wouldn't give in and each attempt ended in tears. Finally a friend suggested
a baby "sling" (she'd known someone else who'd used one with great success)
so at the first opportunity I bought one. I was unsure and it took some
getting used to but we both loved it, there was no looking back. Unlike
a pouch which holds your baby against you in an almost standing position
a sling allows you to carry the baby as if you were nursing them in your
arms.
On numerous occasions
I even breastfed Jazz whilst walking around in the supermarket pushing
the trolley. The generous fabric of a sling can be pulled up at the sides
allowing for discreet feeding in even the most public of places . Something
I really liked about the sling was that if she fell asleep in it and I
didn't want to carry her anymore I could gently lay her down &
slip the sling off over my head and she would continue sleeping blissfully
unaware ...try doing that with a pouch! Another advantage of the sling
is that unlike most pouches which only go up to 12-18 months, you can wear
your baby in a sling from the time they are a newborn up to 3 years
old so you are really getting value for money, especially considering most
slings and wrap style carriers cost anywhere between $40 - $100 Australian
dollars where as some of the popular pouch style carriers are considerably
more expensive such as Baby Bjorn which is approx. $120 AUD. All
this sounds pretty good but if you're still not convinced perhaps the most
compelling argument for sling wearing is that Chiropractors endorse it
whilst they advise against the use of pouches as they believe it
to be unhealthy for babies growing spines.
Wears
the baby, baby wearing pics:
lots of really sweet pics
of everyday people "wearing" their babies
Earthbaby,
baby wearing:
good article about the
benefits of baby wearing
The
Baby Wearer :The meeting place for babywearers,
articles, forums &
reviews to help you choose the right carrier for you.
Nojo
Babysling
Hug-a-bub
Over
the shoulder baby holder
Mayawrap
Mamaroo
Babysling
Ryoka
Slings
How
to wear a Korean Podaegi
Indonesian
women using Selengdangs
Mexican
Rebozo info and pics
Lots
of pics of an Inuit Amautik in use
Japanese
Onbuhimo
 Advocates
of attachment parenting recommend sharing your bed with your baby. Admittedly
this is not an option that works for everyone ... from a safety aspect
some people just SHOULD NOT under any circumstances co-sleep.  They
are: smokers, heavy drinkers, exceptionally heavy sleepers, those who take
drugs (even some prescription drugs can put you in a deeper sleep where
you may accidentally roll on your baby) and waterbeds are definitely a
big no no. Unfortunately accidents can happen, there have been cases of parents (who under no influence of drugs or alcohol) have rolled on their babies and the baies have died). Only you can weigh up the pros and cons and decide if co-sleeping is a safe, viable option for you and your baby.
Another reason you may decide not to co-sleep is because some
people who start off with a baby in their bed get to a stage where they
don't want the baby/toddler in their bed anymore and then have great
difficulty getting the baby to sleep in it's own cot/bed. I started off
with a cradle for Jasmine and had every intention of her sleeping in it,
she had other ideas. From the first few days at home it was apparent that
she didn't like being by herself in the cradle and was unable to fall asleep
without any comfort. Night feeds were a nightmare, after a 1-2 hour
feed during which I would struggle to stay awake she would fall asleep
in my arms and no matter how gently I put her down into her cradle she
would scream the house down, every time she was put in it.  None
of us were getting any sleep and we were all exhausted and on edge so one
night extremely tired and cold I took her into bed with me and we both
fell asleep with her breast feeding. Now the "experts" say that this is
the "wrong" way to parent and that you are making a rod for your own back
but I say that you should do what feels right for you. Early on
I wasn't that confident in my parenting and combine that with my PND
(PPD) I was convinced I was doing the wrong thing, after all everyone was
telling me she shouldn't be sleeping with me. So, when she was 9 weeks
old we had a stay in a parenting centre so they could help me teach Jasmine
to fall asleep on her own and to sleep in her own bed. The centre we went
to doesn't do "controlled crying" for very young babies but rather what
they call "controlled comforting", where you leave the baby for about 30
seconds and then go in and pat, soothe and comfort them for as long as
necessary but not until they fall asleep. Anyway this worked ok for a week
or two but I came to the conclusion that I just didn't have the heart to
see it through, she needed me and I needed to go to her, so back she came
to my bed and that was that. She continued to sleep with me in my bed until
she was 3 years old. I set her room up nicely with all her things, bought
a new quilt cover and then sat down with her and explained that the time
had come for her to sleep in her own bed, she did from the very first night
without any problems and has been a good sleeper since, 12 hours every
night only waking rarely during the night but falling asleep again quite
quickly after a little reassurance. Now at 8 years old she sleeps in her room in the dark, with only a small night-light. In my terms this is success!
The
Benefits of Bed sharing: again an informative & helpful article.
The
family bed: helpful facts & tips from the Natural family site.
1. Connect with your
baby early
Take
an active role in your birth
Educate
yourself
Take
advantage of early closeness
3. Breastfeed
your baby
Get
support
Make
breast feeding a family affair -include dad
5. Share sleep with
baby
Try
different arrangements until you find what works for you
Try
sleeping with your baby
|
2. Read & respond
to your baby's cues
Listen
to your instincts
Be
open and responsive
Meet
your baby's needs without hesitation
Pick
up your baby when she cries
4. Wear your baby
Learn
to use a sling
Carried
babies cry less and develop better.
|
Although recognised
as leading Authorities of attachment parenting not everyone shares an
identical view of attachment parenting as the Sears, and many other
principles of attachment parenting have emerged (as well as and including
those above). Other known philosophies of attachment parenting are: avoiding
frequent & prolonged separations from your baby, trying to maintain
balance in your family life, practising positive discipline, practising
child led weaning, responding quickly to your babies crying and making
an informed choice not to circumcise your baby boy. You don't need
to use all of the methods to be practising AP but your parenting style
should ideally be fairly consistent with most of the methods mentioned
in this section.
Attachment
Parenting International: Everything you wanted to know about
AP.
Natural
Parenting: A really good Australian attachment parenting site
What
attachment parenting is NOT: a good article that dispels some attachment
parenting myths
The government recently
calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with
$160,140.00 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That
doesn't even touch college tuition. For those with kids, that figure leads
to wild fantasies about all the money we could have banked if not for (insert
your child's name here). For others, that number might confirm the decision
to remain childless.
But $160,140.00
isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into $8,896.66 a year,
$741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week. That's a mere $24.44 a day! Just over
a dollar an hour. Still, you might think the best financial advice says
don't have children if you want to be "rich." It is just the opposite.
What do your get for
your $160,140.00?
* Naming rights. First,
middle, and last!
* Glimpses of God every
day.
* Giggles under the covers
every night.
* More love than your heart
can hold.
* Butterfly kisses and
Velcro hugs.
* Endless wonder over rocks,
ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
* A hand to hold, usually
covered with jam.
* A partner for blowing
bubbles, flying kites, building sand
castles, and skipping down
the sidewalk in the pouring rain.
* Someone to laugh yourself
silly with no matter what the boss
said or how your stocks
performed that day.
* Seeing the light go on
when they finally "get" multiplication, how
to balance on a two wheeler,
and that Santa *is not* the True
meaning of Christmas.
For $160,140.00, you never
have to grow up. You get to finger-paint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek,
catch lightning bugs, and never stop believing in miracles.
You have an excuse to keep
reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning cartoons,
going to Disney movies, and wishing on stars. You get to frame rainbows,
hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted
noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day,
and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.
For $160,140.00, there is
no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for retrieving
a Frisbee off the garage roof, taking the training wheels off the bike,
removing a splinter, filling the wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out
of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets
treated to icecream regardless. You get a front row seat to history to
witness the first step, first word, first tooth, first date, first prayer,
and first time behind the wheel.
You get to be immortal.
You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky,
a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren. You get education
in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality
that no college can match.
In the eyes of a child,
you rank right up there with God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo,
scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber
party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they
will, like you, love without counting the cost.
Author Unknown.
|
