... humans did not evolve from the monkey. In fact, humans are direct descendants of the apple

Picture in your mind a 'typical' apple, be it red, green, yellow, a mix of the three, or other. What do you notice first? As you would do a human, you take into account the outer layer. Is it smooth, bumpy, wrinkled, soft, spotted, unblemished, 'perfect'? Here we have the first link between the human and the apple. We look out for appearances first.

But this argument could be used to relate a human to a bird, or a lamp post, or a cloud. It is not sufficient proof, so we will continue.

Bite into the apple, and chew it around in your mouth. Notice the tase, the texture, the smell. Surprised that the 'perfect' apple tastes sour, or the blemished one sweet, or that the inner apple matches the standards of its skin? You shouldn't be. From experiences with other humans you must surely have discovered that appearances do not always correspond with interior value.

And so we come to the third point of our comparison: the discardment. When finished eating your apple, what do you do? Unless you have a fettish for rotten apple cores, you will throw the apple away. 'But I don't throw humans into a bin, or compost!' My friend, neither do I. But just think what happens when an apple is discarded. It goes mushy, it disintegrates into the soil, it decomposes, and it is gone. However, because of the apple, something, perhaps just one small thing, has changed. Do not tell me this is unlike the burial of humans in the event of death. The body rots, decomposes, ceases to exsist, but has made some impact or other, large or small, on other things in this world.

And so I end my argument. Humans are the evolution of apples.